You rike dis?

Rice diet = swimsuit downgrade

Entry #5.  March 1, 2012, 3:25 pm.  LanguageCorps Center, District 3, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam.  Happy Leap Day early readers.  Did you lose sleep this past week, waiting for my next blog post?  Me neither.  I apologize, though, because I never realized how busy these first four weeks would be. Since my arrival, I've had little free time and I'm certainly sleep-deprived.  I haven't even had much time to frolic in my wet bathroom.  After my initial two weeks of classes, we traveled to Sihanoukville, a coastal city in the south of Cambodia.  It is essentially the Phuket of Cambodia, albeit smaller and less known.  What an intensive, exhausting and grueling weekend that was.  I had to wake up early to claim a spot in the first row of beach chairs so the waves would reach my toes, then I had to choose between mango and pineapple milkshakes from the fruit lady, later I had to decide how long to lay on my back vs my stomach, and to top it all off, I had to choose between a full-body or foot massage from the massage lady.  I’m still recovering.  I don’t mean to boast, but I do mean to rub it in (massage pun intended). 

After I dealt with all that stress, it was time to move on to my chosen country of Vietnam.  Right now, you’re probably thinking “what the fun-buns, Jmart, you said your first 4 weeks were in Cambodia!”.  Well, you’re right, I said that.  I also said I was going to convince the stewardess to give me an aisle seat on the plane solely because I had just eaten a Big Mac.  It turns out that only the people who chose to go to China or stay in Cambodia remain in Phnom Penh for the entire 4 weeks; everyone else goes to their respective countries to finish the language program.  So here I sit in the Ho.  This week and next I am "practice teaching"- with real students of many ages and skill levels.  I am observed by LanguageCorps employees and given feedback, and I observe my peers and other real teachers.  I am excited to become real in two weeks.  There is one other man in my group for these two weeks, and wow, what a character.  His name is Paul and he is an ex-cop, ex-cop trainer, ex-marine, and ex-marine trainer.  How is it that I find myself drinking beers with an ex-marine in ‘Nam?  When I observe Paul, I notice some hilarious techniques that he uses with his students.  To get their attention, he bellows, and I mean he really belts “OOOORAH!”.  Imagine being a timid, small Asian student and getting startled by a massively booming military voice.  My personal favorite is when the students start talking while he is talking.  He’ll turn to face them and shout “AT EASE!”, just as if he were training future U.S. marines.  Even the youngest kids fall victim to his thundering commands!  Holy LOL.

Saigon (used instead of Ho Chi Minh City for the sake of brevity (although I just had to write that citation because I used Saigon)) is a beautiful city- much prettier, greener, and more modernized than Phnom Penh.  Given Cambodia’s dark and chilling history (even compared to that of Vietnam), I guess this shouldn’t be surprising.  Further, the food is tastier and the people are consequently fatter, to my amusement.  I’m still much taller than everyone, so I still feel tough…not that that’s any different from my existence in America.  However, I really haven’t explored much of the city because of another hectic schedule- I take Vietnamese language class in the morning, then I have a lesson planning block, and later I teach at 1:30 and again at 5 pm.  When I get back to my hotel (yes Mom, the bed sheets are still clean), I must plan ahead for the following day’s lessons.  Naturally, I am very excited for the weekend, when I'll have time to soak in my new host country.  One negative point for Vietnam- facebook is blocked.  Of course the first thing I wanted to do was update my status to let everyone know.  There is a way around it by downloading some new browser and reconfiguring some Steve Jobs crap, but this is beyond my scope for now.

On another note, can we all agree that an Asian accent while speaking English is probably the funniest out there?  I mean, herrrrrrow!  Well, reverse that concept, and you’ll understand why the Vietnamese smile or full-out laugh when I try to speak their language. I so habbing trub-oh wiss my Asin assent.  You rike dis?  Vietnamese is a tonal language, like Mandarin, so words can be pronounced many different ways to divulge completely new meanings—lots of ambiguity.  I’m sure I called the coffee lady a shrimp tail, and I may have told the hotel clerk that she was hairy. 

Again, thank you for commenting, as I enjoy checking the blog to see if any new ones have appeared.  My next entry will include pictures of the Ho.  That’s the city, not the bargirl soliciting herself to the 60 year-old Westerner.  I hope all is well for each of you.    

Driver's ed.