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Cuc's Kitchen

My Bedroom and sneak peek into the exclusive Thunderdome

Entry #10.  April 13, 2012, 6:05 pm.  Living Room, House, District 3, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam.  In the past days I have been enjoying the thrill of zipping around on a 'Nam-style motorbike.  At first it was intimidating to drive with other people on the road, and especially more so during the muddle that is rush hour.  I really try not too meddle in the muddle in this matter, but mostly to stay in the middle when I'm riding my black metal.  I've really been working on tongue twisters in my classes and they are ostensibly on my mind.  However, now I get a thrill every time I drive around on the ____________.  It is extremely rousing to catch the wind and zoom past buildings to become part of the vim and vigor of the city.  I particularly love driving at night, because there are less patrons on the roads and especially because of the lights and lurid colors that whiz by as I pass signs, people, and buildings along the avenues.  I've grown attached to the ____________  and so far we haven't disagreed.  I try to be an adaptable and cautious driver, so much to the extent that I become the equivalent to the female Asian driver in America.  I've pissed a few people off, no doubt, but I get better every day and I'll soon blend in (wishful thinking).  

I've grown accustom to my work schedule and believe it's a good fit.  I have the days free during the week, which is nice for sleeping in or a nap or other productive things.  Teaching has been enjoyable except that I've started to somewhat dread the weekends, when I teach the kids from 7:45 am until 5 pm.  That's a lot of Duck Duck Goose (or Apple Apple Banana etc.).  I'm still adjusting to them and I can't complain for only truly working two days out of the week.  The weekday adult classes, on the other hand, are a delight and considered work only in the name.  I have a favorite game that I play during lessons that focus anywhere close to dating, relationships, love, or feelings.  I play 'The Dating Game' with the students and I'll write three questions on the board: 1. Describe the perfect man/woman.  2. What do you like to do on the weekends? and 3.  What would you do on your perfect date?.  Then, I'll collect their answers and line up three women, who face the wall.  One male student will get to choose one date based only on the three contestants' answers to the questions,  which I read aloud.  The cavalier will eliminate contestant A, B, or C, who will turn around and sit down.  The  courter then chooses between the remaining, who will sheepishly turn around and turn bright red.  The lucky couple will thenceforth have to sit next to each other.  It is great fun and the answers to the questions are often hilarious.  Sometimes I reverse to three guys and one bachelorette, and once the class made me be a contestant.  The winner and I chose not to go on a real date out of respect to her husband.

I will continue to live through my weeks teaching and exploring and eating.  Speaking of, I just recently discovered vietnammm.com, which quells my appetite and appeases my laziness.  It's a food delivery website that many local restaurants subscribe to, and I can order Vietnamese, Western, Indian, Chinese, and Korean food alike.  A favorite is Willy Woo's Chicken and Waffles, which answers your question of how diverse the food selection is out here.  Willy provides a little taste of Gainesville or Atlanta or somewhere with good gravy and an exhaustive selection of fried things.  Be aware that the bakeries also deliver, so I am expecting to welcome back my lost poundage.  Who doesn't love a fat guy on a motorbike, though?

In other news, a funeral has been set up in our little neighborhood.  I live in this tiny enclave of about 8 houses, 7 of whom are Vietnamese families.  Sadly, someone has died and now there are tents, tables, and chairs all around our gated communal area (which is a broad sidewalk just roomy enough for passersby and some plants).  Southeast Asian funerals are extravagant and unique.  They last all week, truly 24/7, and I've been warned that I may be awoken to the "casket run" through lines of trumpeters at four am.  My question:  Who gets the honor of pallbearerjogging?  The funeral should make for an interesting and possibly restless week, and nothing says it's a bright new day like walking out my front door to a casket!  I'm deathly afraid of disturbing this grave matter, especially since it is hard to park my baby now.  The parking attendant always asks me if he can park her for me, and I willingly reply "yes, you cadaver".  (It's much easier to write terrible jokes, so I don't have to sit through the dead silence afterwards.)

Further, I can't hold off a haircut much longer.  Soon the birds will start nesting in the nappy hideaway called my hair.  Although this might provide an 'in' into the bird egg fetus market, I must get one before critters start falling out of it.  If it's entertaining enough, I will be compelled to upload of picture of my Asian new 'do.

I've had a cold all week (which I blame on the kids, like most bad things that happen to me), but other than that, life is still swell.  I do have a request for all readers:  You've noticed the blanks in my first paragraph.  I'm having trouble naming my motorbike, even though I know the library is endless.  I leave it up to you, readers, to post a comment and name my baby (that's my motorbike, the baby is still 6.5 months away).  Most clever/most laughable suggestion shall earn a label to a motorbike on the avenues of Saigon.  Keep in mind it's official name is a Honda Wave AX, but I know we can do better.

_______________ (you tell me)

Oh my gah ge'ez!

Marina Bay Sands Resort

Entry #9.  April 2, 2012, 10:40 pm.  House, District 3, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam.  Apologies are in order for my brief hiatus from blogging.  The past two weeks were busy and yet successful.  Since my last post, I have vacationed to Singapore, obtained a job, taught plenty of classes, moved into a house, found a sufficiently gluttonous ice cream shop, and finished watching the first six seasons of The Office.  I just hope I haven’t lost too many readers during my writing interlude.

First we will visit Singapore.  I know some of my friends have been there before, so feel free to add any stories or corrections.  We arrived late Friday night and once again I was souped up on my plane meds.  They help me relax and if I’m lucky, sleep, on the plane, but once I arrive I am usually in a languid stupor somewhere between drunk and zombie.  The airport was ok, but the cab ride was a rush of excitement.  I remember our cab driver zooming through the streets and taking many unnecessary sharp turns, each time broadcasting, “Oh my gah geez!” He either had too much coffee or was a fan of the white nose candy, or both.  However I doubt it was drugs because the visa to Singapore bodly states “Drug Trafficking is Punishable by DEATH.”  So poetic.  I traveled in a group of five- our South African friends (jovially referred to as the Zulus or Blood Diamonds), Hien (the main LanguageCorps lady in Saigon), and Kendall (a really fun girl from Minnesota).  Saturday we woke up and first experienced the spotless subways of Singapore.  No food or drink allowed, or else a $1000 fine transpires.  We spent the day gallivanting around Little India and Chinatown, two famous neighborhoods in the city-country.  Little India was full of vibrant colors and smells, and Chinatown was appropriately busy and energetic.  Great places to grab lunch and some snacks.  Later, Kendall, Hien, and I went to the Art and Science Museum while the Zulus (they actually are a white, English South African couple) went to go drink $12 beers at Happy Hour at a swanky Singapore bar.  More on the prices later.  The museum was great; it featured an Andy Warhol exhibit and the 100^th Anniversary Titanic exhibit.  I am that guy who must read every sentence in a museum, so luckily my companions turned out to be tolerant troopers.  Then, we met up with the Blood Diamonds and explored the massive and famous Marina Bay Sands Resort, which boasts their famous sky deck complete with infinity pool and breathtaking views of the skyline.  It also hosts a laser, fire, and water show over the marina, which was worth the wait indeed.  Sunday we decided to acknowledge the many suggestions of fellow travelers and go see the Singapore Zoo.  Walt Disney could learn from this place.  It was in the middle of the rainforest and hosted every kind of animal, with lush gardens and authentic buildings all around.  It was surely worth it and I got my fill of baboon rumps.  Singapore is a uniquely stylish and progressive city/country, although prepare your wallets ahead of time because it is expensive as shh.

My new job: After three rounds of interviews and a ‘demo teach’ in which I was observed, I landed a job at the best English school in Saigon.  I am really glad to be working there, as the facilities are extremely modern and the pay is outstanding, compared to the cost of living.  Funny how I had to come to a third-world country to make good money.  The salary is just an extra perk, though.  I teach a range of students, from little four year-olds to adults.  The little ones are a handful- as my mentor psychiatrist whom I shadowed would put it, they are “evil midgets with a great prognosis”.  I am enjoying working and I can fortunately say that I love what I do and do what I love.

My new house:  I moved into a spacious house off of a lively street in District 3, which is the ideal area to live in by Vietnamese standards.  I can’t tell you how liberating it was to finally unload my suitcases and to not live off of its top layers anymore.  I discovered many things I forgotten I had packed, including a bonus pack of clean underwear.  And the maid came today.  Squeeze my nipples and call me Sally, it is such a great service!  I thought my room was clean after I organized everything, but then she took it to a new level!  My laundry is done, my sheets are clean, the floors are mopped, and the kitchen is spotless.  Cuc, you have won my heart.  So I have a house and a job, and once I propose to my Vietnamese girlfriend I will be a real man in Saigon.  Keep breathing Mom, just kidding. 

On a serious note.  I finally made time to visit the Vietnam War Remnants museum and never have I been to more agonizing place.  I have experienced the National Holocaust Museum in DC, have even witnessed a concentration camp in Germany, saw the killing fields in Cambodia, but none compare to the feelings that occurred in me at this particular museum.  Why?  Because all the proof of the dreadful, heinous acts of war and bloodlust, committed by the USA, were displayed in the same place.  I couldn't help but feel guilty and ignorant of the true atrocities that my country committed.  I think every American felt the same way there; the natural patriotism and pride of being an American was sucked out as we saw the pictures of unwarranted slaughters, aftermath of Agent Orange, and wiped out villages.  This was why it was the most intolerable of museums.  The Vietnam War is a sad tale for America, an even more despairing one for Vietnam, and another reminder that in war, the innocent suffer the most and neither side will win.  However, you'll be glad to know that I went with Paul, my marine friend, and I got an in-depth lecture on every single piece of weaponry that was displayed.  Of note, when we saw the room that presented the many different guns used in the war and I expressed my disbelief for so many kinds of weapons, Paul responded with "This ain't shit, Jon.  You should see what I have in my safe back in Texas."  Good ole Paul.

I now have an active routine but still love all my minutes here in Asia.  I am excited to take more weekend trips to explore the Far East.  My Vietnamese is getting better as judged by my decreasing offensiveness to the locals.  I haven’t been accused of being a spy lately, and I actually gave directions to a goofy Chinese tourist with a straight face.  I wish that things are just as great for all of you back home.

This one just really makes me miss my sister.

Pygmy Hippo

If you've got it, flaunt it

Vietnam War Remnants Museum